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Forsaking for Trusting

'Forsaking All I Trust Him' is the essence of where the missionary heart must go in order to accept God’s plan for his or her life. The same mindset must also find its way into the heart of the missionary’s family, if they are ever to find God’s peace for their own changed lives.

Throughout my life, I have pondered those words, and for the most part, I thought I was committed to that proclamation. However, as our children became adults, and more and more choices were their own, I found myself struggling to completely turn loose and trust God. When our son, Jeremy, shared his decision to spend a year internship with Campus Crusade for Christ in a third-world country, it was rather normal for my heart and my mind to jump into this questioning and doubting mode. Immediately, I countered with every argument I could grasp to dissuade him against his decision: “Why there? It’s so unsafe! Where would we get that kind of money? How can you leave us at this time in our lives?” I thought I had all the arguments, but in one swift moment, God closed my mouth and opened my eyes.

During my time of “arguing,” I had avoided making direct eye contact with Jeremy. To my surprise, when I finally looked at him, I saw tears running down his face. Those tears reflected the flood of emotion within my own heart, and I suddenly felt the strength draining from my very being. All reasons for argument were lost in the expression of his eyes –one that I was not ready to accept. It was then that I saw the vision, heard the passion, and knew this was not Jeremy, but God using Jeremy to show me and lead me to His way. My endless source of arguments lost their validity when I heard his words: “Mom, when I think about what Jesus did for me—how He suffered for me—how He gave all He had for me—how can I do anything except to follow the direction He is taking me? Yes, even if it costs me my life, what better way to live for Him than to give myself for Him?”

In that brief statement, God began to unravel my heart—began the delicate procedure to remove a lifetime of uncertainty and began the renewed foundation of standing on His promises. Forsaking all and trusting Him is not about me making it happen; it’s about knowing that God will provide everything necessary for whatever I face. This realization defuses the fight, calms the fears, and gives courage for each day.

It didn’t take long to understand that God’s call in Jeremy’s life would impact all of us. It could not have been clearer on that bright autumn morning in September 2010, when Jeremy flew away. When it came time for those last hugs, last instructions, last sight of each other, it was obvious that each one of us were struggling—Dad, Mom, Sister, and yes, even the Missionary. Our faces broadcast fears for the months ahead, reluctance for change to our close-knit family unit, and awareness that separation had arrived. As the last visible contact with Jeremy disappeared within a billowy cloud, my heart broke, and the tears found release.

The next ten months taught us that indeed there are dangers on the mission fields and that we cannot always rush to the rescue. We learned to turn to God in those moments of complete fear and frustration, but the learning did not stop when Jeremy came home. In fact, it continues today as we prepare for Jeremy’s third departure—the beginning of 3-5 years to come—serving with Campus Crusade for Christ in overseas mission work. Daily, we must seek God’s help to let go and allow God to lead. I have not mastered anything, and as we step closer and closer to this year’s departure date, I find myself struggling with those same fears and uncertainties. I have, however, learned for certain that wherever His path leads, He will be there with His strength and courage for that moment in time.

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