For over 30 years, I struggled poorly with my identity as a man as it pertains to sexuality, and I lived life trapped in the sin of homosexuality. I fought to “fix” myself and gain enough knowledge to do the right things to find the freedom I eagerly desired and knew God wanted for me. However, every effort I made found limited success, leading to a deeper spiral into sin over time and a decreased hope that I would ever be free.
I turned to several Christians in the church and Christian counseling, but what I found was not the truth of Christ. I was faced with those who thought the demon needed to be prayed out, those who enacted church discipline against me, those who thought I needed to pray and read more, and still those who didn’t want to get too close to the mess that was my life. This left me with a growing bitterness for the church, so I stopped attending for about a decade.
Then in 2010, out of His love for me, God sent a friend who invited me to church, and I got a renewed hope that God wasn’t finished with my life. The only problem was the conflicting messages from God’s people saying that I was too broken for God to fix. They didn’t necessarily speak this, they simply had attitudes saying they “didn’t want me around their children” and I was “certainly too much of a mess for them to befriend me.” It was okay that I came to church as long as my life didn’t bleed over into theirs.
I found myself more emotionally broken, trying harder to fix my life. Then, in 2012, my brokenness resulted in a lost job. Frustrated with life, I entered a one-year residential ministry for men wanting to grow in relationship to Jesus. I remained there for over 3 years and consistently heard of God’s grace and love. During that time, distractions of a job, phone, media, and transportation were set aside to allow me to see what was going on beneath the surface. I saw, that just like Adam and Eve, I believed lies that had formed over time. However, I continued to face messages of condemnation in the church.
Then, in 2016, God orchestrated a move back to the Tri-Cities and my college church home of Grace Fellowship. I knew I needed a small group to stay connected or I wouldn’t survive temptation I faced. Desperate to find a group, I walked upstairs to Re:generation one Monday night, and there, I found love, grace, and no condemnation by those in my group. As I met with God, He continually showed me His faithfulness and brought healing and renewal of my mind. Now, nine months into Re:generation, I have joy, peace, and purpose like I’ve never known! I am standing in deliverance from the homosexual lifestyle and living in the fullness of Jesus like I’ve dreamed for over 30 years! I realize this will be a life long journey, and look forward to continuing along the Ultimate Journey of being changed by and used by Christ. To God be the glory!
Posted on Wed, March 15, 2017
by Grace Fellowship Church