Peeling an Onion…
I haven’t written in a while and I don’t know exactly why, I could find a million excuses but the truth is I don’t have a good one. Maybe some of the questions in Re:Generation made me retreat inside and not want to answer them so I skimmed by on my daily lessons and also on my writings. God is not allowing me to just get by anymore. My relationship with Him is being taken to a new level.
So with God I will write again, to document my journey with God. I want to begin recording the changes in my life and the changes within me. God grows us in the seasons of our lives and we are all going through seasons.
I am starting to become very aware of the pain in my life because of past things, at first it was my job loss but that was only the top onion peel. Then it was finding my way in my career, but that was just one more peel. Drinking and taking prescription pills, just another layer. Sexual abuse, closer to the core. My mother and the way she has dealt with me as a child, closer to the core. My real father for not taking me out of the situation as a child, and for still not being involved in my life closer to the core yet.
What’s the deepest core of my pain, maybe those, or maybe something else. I continue to find out and deal with it all through Re:Generation.
I was speaking with a friend not too long ago and explained to her that we are no longer our sins of the past, we are a new creature. I told her that I now know why God changed the names of those in the bible once they knew Him. That was extremely symbolic of the new creature we become when we encounter God. I am no longer Kristen, sexually physical and emotionally abused Kristen. Man abandoned me, but God adopted me! He created me and walked with me through every breath of my life, although I did not know Him. He knew me! I am a new creature in Christ.
I love how the lesson in Re:Generation talks about the Holy Spirit being a Helper. A Helper that is with me always, never leaving me like so many others, never hurting me and always loving me. Loving me without me changing without me doing one thing. Just loving me!
I trust that small still voice inside me that Holy Spirit, at first it was hard to hear Him above all the voices of my insecurities, through my walls of protection. But through Re:Generation I have been able to let the walls down and listen to Him speak to me. I can feel His presence in my daily life.
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” Romans 12:12